The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Page 1 of 3 1, 2, 3  Next

View previous topic View next topic Go down

The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:44 pm

We can all use a break from the all the serious information we read about this very sad case. Maybe we can use this thread to post videos, pics, etc. of a lighter nature.

Casey Anthony's Brag Letter to Cindy and George




Last edited by Snaz on Tue Jan 26, 2010 12:29 pm; edited 1 time in total

_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Mon Aug 24, 2009 1:48 pm

Ye Olde Cindy Anthony Fairy Tale



Last edited by Snaz on Tue Jan 26, 2010 12:28 pm; edited 1 time in total

_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by TigerMom on Mon Aug 24, 2009 8:44 pm

Thanks Snaz for posting these. I love the bewitch theme in the 2nd one. The names are so fitting. I love the pictures too. The one of Prince Giggles Tubesocks cracks me up! Any way thanks we can all use a little humor these days.
avatar
TigerMom

Posts : 470
Join date : 2009-07-11
Mood : Eyebrow

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Michelle on Tue Aug 25, 2009 7:36 am

Snaz,
Great Video!
avatar
Michelle

Posts : 267
Join date : 2009-07-11
Age : 56
Location : Texas

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Tue Aug 25, 2009 4:51 pm

Judge Judy Calls Casey Anthony


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Piper on Tue Aug 25, 2009 7:38 pm

Oh, ha ha ha!!! These are hilarious!! I love the graphics.....and the music......perfect Laughing lol!
avatar
Piper

Posts : 10277
Join date : 2009-07-12
Mood : Innocent

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Thu Aug 27, 2009 12:01 pm

The Tale of King George and Queen Cynthia
as told by motherclucker

Snipped from Part I:

Once upon a time there lived a Prince by the name of George. Prince George of Hopespring, as in “hope springs eternal”. His parents had high hopes for George, but he never could assert himself very well. When it came time for George to marry and take over the kingdom, there was great strife. There was not a maiden in the kingdom who would marry him. The mere mention of his name, to the ladies in waiting, sent profuse giggles throughout the kingdom. The maidens would say things like “Are you serious? Not witless George? Goober George from Hopespring? I shan’t marry a man who can’t even sharpen his own sword without some assistance in the matter!” Needless to say, they had to look elsewhere for George’s bride. They searched high and low until finally a bride was found. Princess Cynthia of Denial, whose kingdoms motto was “Come live in Denial!” .

Part I: http://motherclucker.wordpress.com/2009/05/14/the-tale-of-king-george-and-queen-cynthia/

Part II: http://motherclucker.wordpress.com/2009/05/15/the-tale-of-king-george-and-queen-cynthia-part-ii/

Part III: http://motherclucker.wordpress.com/2009/05/18/the-tale-of-king-george-and-queen-cynthia-part-iii/

Part IV: http://motherclucker.wordpress.com/2009/05/19/the-tale-of-king-george-and-queen-cynthia-part-iv/

Part V: http://motherclucker.wordpress.com/2009/05/21/the-tale-of-king-george-and-queen-cynthia-part-v/

_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Anthony Satire

Post by Snaz on Sat Oct 03, 2009 11:43 am

I came across this and thought it was pretty humorous..... maybe you will enjoy it, too! Please feel free to post any videos you have to share with the rest of us!

Kathi Belich Foils Bozo, Casey & Cindy Anthony
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WK9bQkiIK4w&feature=player_embedded



Last edited by Snaz on Mon Nov 16, 2009 4:46 pm; edited 1 time in total

_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Justice4all on Sat Oct 03, 2009 12:45 pm

That was good Snaz. Here is another one.

avatar
Justice4all
Admin

Posts : 9745
Join date : 2009-07-02
Age : 42
Location : Michigan
Mood : Sleepy

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Sat Oct 03, 2009 1:48 pm

J4a... that's a good one, too!!! Thanks for posting!

I wonder what CMA (the oldest one) thinks when she sees these types of videos.... my guess is steam comes out her nose and ears.

_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Mon Oct 26, 2009 2:20 pm

I thought this was hilarious!!! Whoever put it together, did a pretty good job!


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Piper on Mon Oct 26, 2009 8:12 pm

Thanks for the laugh, guys! Hilarious...the cruise video had me roflao
avatar
Piper

Posts : 10277
Join date : 2009-07-12
Mood : Innocent

Back to top Go down

Wickedly delicious Anthony satire~

Post by khintx on Mon Nov 16, 2009 4:43 pm

The story of The Anthony's over the past year...... very well done and wickedly delicious. It's a long vid but moves fast as you have to read each page.... Disclaimer: This is a SATIRICAL LOOK at all of the A's over the past year, so if you are offended by such things you probably don't want to watch it. kh

avatar
khintx

Posts : 4020
Join date : 2009-10-15
Mood : Happy

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Cali on Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:00 pm

These were clever....hillarious....and the Anthony family...spite on....such a frightening family for fright night films.
avatar
Cali

Posts : 2968
Join date : 2009-10-21
Age : 80
Location : California
Mood : Happy

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by randilynn on Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:27 pm

im still partial to the old one.. she's in the jailhouse now.. its on youtube.. if you have not seen it, it is worth a laugh or two.. !!!
avatar
randilynn

Posts : 743
Join date : 2009-07-16
Mood : Bawling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:41 pm

Here it is, Randi....


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by randilynn on Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:44 pm

alright snaggles... SERIOUSLY.. do you have all these things jammed up your a** or something.. you seem to pull them outta somewhere on a moments notice..

Laughing

you are fantabulous though.. keep up the good work!!! <3


Last edited by randilynn on Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:50 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : ..)
avatar
randilynn

Posts : 743
Join date : 2009-07-16
Mood : Bawling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Piper on Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:56 pm

LOL ..new avatar for Snaz:



avatar
Piper

Posts : 10277
Join date : 2009-07-12
Mood : Innocent

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by randilynn on Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:57 pm

good one piper..
avatar
randilynn

Posts : 743
Join date : 2009-07-16
Mood : Bawling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Mon Nov 16, 2009 6:59 pm

Randi.......



<3 ya!!!!! I love you

_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:01 pm

Hahahahaha, Piper!!!! I try!!!

_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Piper on Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:18 pm

More Anthony Satire...


avatar
Piper

Posts : 10277
Join date : 2009-07-12
Mood : Innocent

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by khintx on Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:43 pm




kh
avatar
khintx

Posts : 4020
Join date : 2009-10-15
Mood : Happy

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by khintx on Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:47 pm

And here's one of my favorites.... an oldy but a goody.
TIPS AND TRICKS: HOW TO AVOID QUESTIONS THE CINDY ANTHONY WAY!



KH
avatar
khintx

Posts : 4020
Join date : 2009-10-15
Mood : Happy

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Piper on Mon Nov 16, 2009 7:50 pm

Hehe kh!!! Laughing
avatar
Piper

Posts : 10277
Join date : 2009-07-12
Mood : Innocent

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:54 pm


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Tue Nov 24, 2009 12:40 am


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:00 pm


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Fri Dec 04, 2009 5:05 pm

This is hilarious!!!


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Justice4all on Fri Dec 04, 2009 5:08 pm

Too funny Snaz. Cindy and the Grinch could be twins.
avatar
Justice4all
Admin

Posts : 9745
Join date : 2009-07-02
Age : 42
Location : Michigan
Mood : Sleepy

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Piper on Fri Dec 04, 2009 5:49 pm

LOL Snaz......Hilarious roflao
avatar
Piper

Posts : 10277
Join date : 2009-07-12
Mood : Innocent

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Julie on Fri Dec 04, 2009 9:31 pm

Tis the season........to be grinchy.
avatar
Julie
Admin

Posts : 27870
Join date : 2009-10-14
Age : 28
Location : buying balloons for eva's 67th birthday
Mood : Musical

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Sat Dec 05, 2009 5:15 pm


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Estee on Sat Dec 05, 2009 9:58 pm

Absolutely Priceless!!!! hehehe
avatar
Estee

Posts : 6002
Join date : 2009-10-12
Age : 76
Location : Cozy little shack
Mood : Excited

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Piper on Mon Dec 21, 2009 9:47 pm

Thanks Snaz...perfect....
avatar
Piper

Posts : 10277
Join date : 2009-07-12
Mood : Innocent

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by randilynn on Tue Dec 22, 2009 1:00 pm

okay snaz... the grinch one was HILARIOUS!!!

roflao

the christmas one was a bit disturbing, but i will admit, i did chuckle a bit... does that make me a bit disturbed??
avatar
randilynn

Posts : 743
Join date : 2009-07-16
Mood : Bawling

Back to top Go down

The Anthony Christmas Video

Post by khintx on Wed Dec 23, 2009 5:45 pm

avatar
khintx

Posts : 4020
Join date : 2009-10-15
Mood : Happy

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by khintx on Wed Dec 23, 2009 5:46 pm

And in case you missed this one: The Anthony's Take A Cruise.

avatar
khintx

Posts : 4020
Join date : 2009-10-15
Mood : Happy

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Julie on Wed Dec 23, 2009 6:18 pm

avatar
Julie
Admin

Posts : 27870
Join date : 2009-10-14
Age : 28
Location : buying balloons for eva's 67th birthday
Mood : Musical

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Cali on Thu Dec 24, 2009 12:04 am

I hope the A's have a scary Christmas and a hellish new year.
avatar
Cali

Posts : 2968
Join date : 2009-10-21
Age : 80
Location : California
Mood : Happy

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Piper on Thu Dec 24, 2009 12:21 am

I see JOY is part of the celebration... Shocked
avatar
Piper

Posts : 10277
Join date : 2009-07-12
Mood : Innocent

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Justice4all on Thu Dec 24, 2009 4:16 am

Too funny. Attending that Christmas party would give me nightmares.
avatar
Justice4all
Admin

Posts : 9745
Join date : 2009-07-02
Age : 42
Location : Michigan
Mood : Sleepy

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Dis on Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:04 am

OMG! I didn't even see this post earlier! ROTFPMP
avatar
Dis

Posts : 1540
Join date : 2009-10-13
Age : 47
Location : Somewhere in fantasy land havin a blast with Jules and eva :)
Mood : Sick 1

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Dis on Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:10 am

Ok, in the video with Cindy laying on the picnic table....that's just WRONG!!!!! On so many levels! LOLOLOLOLOLOL

Merry Christmas Fools!!!!
avatar
Dis

Posts : 1540
Join date : 2009-10-13
Age : 47
Location : Somewhere in fantasy land havin a blast with Jules and eva :)
Mood : Sick 1

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Estee on Thu Dec 31, 2009 10:57 am

Just ran across the following at Marinade Dave's...thought it was a hoot and I'd pass it on...feel free to relocate it if it's on the wrong thread...

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/5890199/
avatar
Estee

Posts : 6002
Join date : 2009-10-12
Age : 76
Location : Cozy little shack
Mood : Excited

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Mon Jan 25, 2010 12:14 pm

This video is thanks to Julie, who posted it on another thread:


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Tue Jan 26, 2010 12:45 pm

I posted this story from MotherClucker's Weblog in its original parts earlier upthread, but here is the whole story, in case you would like to read it. It is pretty funny and shows quite an imagination!


The Entire Tale of King George and Queen Cynthia

This Tale has been very popular, so I made it into one long story for ease of reading.

The Tale of King George and Queen Cynthia

…Or as I like to call it Queen Cynthia’s Fairy Tale

Once upon a time there lived a Prince by the name of George. Prince George of Hopespring, as in “hope springs eternal”. His parents had high hopes for George, but he never could assert himself very well. When it came time for George to marry and take over the kingdom, there was great strife. There was not a maiden in the kingdom who would marry him. The mere mention of his name, to the ladies in waiting, sent profuse giggles throughout the kingdom. The maidens would say things like “Are you serious? Not witless George? Goober George from Hopespring? I shan’t marry a man who can’t even sharpen his own sword without some assistance in the matter!”

Needless to say, they had to look elsewhere for George’s bride. They searched high and low until finally a bride was found, Princess Cynthia of Denial, whose kingdoms motto was “Come live in Denial!”. The entire kingdom of Hopespring was present on the day of the joyous union. Throughout the kingdom people were chanting “Hopespring’s eternal, long live Denial!” So began the life of King George and Queen Cynthia. Soon after their union, they had a daughter, Princess Casey, and boy, was she a handful. She grew up to become the biggest common slut in the kingdom. She loved hanging out in the taverns, and pulling her skirt up over her head for pints of ale. King George and Queen Cynthia were upset, but told themselves that it was “just a phase, she’ll grow out of it”.

Not surprisingly, Princess Casey got with child. All the men at the tavern said that it wasn’t their kid. Later on, King George and Queen Cynthia would discover that the father of the child was a one night stand, and Princess Casey couldn’t even remember his name. The Princess did keep a papyrus of his obituary, though. It seems the father of the child had died in a horrible jousting event in Neverwas, pronounced Never Vas, it’s a German name. So sad. The Princess did not like being pregnant, since it really cramped her style. She could not wait to get back out to the taverns and pull her skirt over her head, roll out with the barrels, and on the barrels…and in the barrels…and around the barrels, you get my drift?

When the baby was 2 years old, The Princess decided that she would just start taking her to the taverns with her. The bar wench at Ye Olde Crotch and Crab said that she would help watch the baby. To avoid Queen Cynthia’s constant nagging, Princess Casey just told her mother that she was going to Bible Study. King George and Queen Cynthia bragged to the entire kingdom about Princess Casey being such a holy, good, sweet, kind, smiling, caring mother. That was, until, Princess Casey disappeared, and never returned home. King George was very upset, because the wheels on the horse and cart she was driving needed rotating and balanced. Queen Cynthia set out to find her daughter and grandbaby, but it was to no avail. Thirty days later, they received a letter from Gargamel’s Horse Cart Towing Company. The letter said that their horse and cart had been towed, and they could pick it up for the price of 6 goats, 2 sheep, 1 horse, and barrel of their finest ale. King George was furious and went in person to retrieve the horse and cart. Queen Cynthia went in search of her prodigal daughter. Upon reaching Gargamel’s Towing, King George said “this is rock path robbery!”, and paid Gargamel.”Where’s my cart? You beast!”, said King George, “Just wait until my wife hears about this! Then you’ll be in trouble!” The horse and cart were parked way out in a field. “Oh kind King!”, said Gargamel, “we had to park your horse and cart far away, for it smells frightful!”

King George approached the horse and cart and noticed a rotten cabbage in the cart. The tow man said he’d only smelled a smell like that one other time, and it was the cart they used to haul the dead. “Nonsense!”, said the King, “it is simply a rotten cabbage!”

King George arrived home to find Queen Cynthia and Princess Casey, but alas, there was no grandbaby. Queen Cynthia stepped toward the horse and cart and declared “Good King Wenceslas! What is that smell? It smells like a damn dead body has been in that cart! Where is my grandchild you little snipe?!”

“She’s with her nanny”, exclaimed the Princess, “her name is Absynthia Hermone Francisco Carmanzarro, but I just call her Absynthe.”

“Absinthe! Isn’t that the name of a highly hallucinogenic drink that common street urchins consume?” Asked The Queen.

“No, Mother! That absinthe is spelled different. Her name is spelled with a y, not an i! You are being ridiculous. Are you accusing me of killing my child?” spit The Princess.

“Take me to my grandbaby, or I shall call the guard and have you thrown in the dungeon!” the Queen threatened.

“NO! She’s probably sleeping!” said the Princess.

“Fine, summon the guards!” said the Queen.

“Wait!” cried the Princess, “I lied, I don’t know where my baby is! I left her with Abby and she never returned. I have been in the horse and cart for 30 days searching for her. I lived off of wild cabbages, and ale. The smell from the cart is from rotten cabbages, not from a dead body. You know, a dead body smells a lot like a rotten cabbage. Absolutely, like a rotten cabbage.”

The King and Queen summoned the guards and threw the Princess into the dungeon until the grandchild was found. They sent their very best guards and knights into the kingdom to search for this woman named Absynthia Hermone Francisco Carmanzarro, aka Absynthe, aka Abby. For six months the guards searched every kingdom for this woman. They returned with the news that there was no such woman. There was not a single individual in all the kingdom who had ever heard of this woman. The guards believed that no such woman existed. They accused the Princess of being a witch and a liar and of murdering her baby.

This accusation infuriated the Queen, who refused to believe that her holy, sweet, smiling, loving, good daughter could murder her own child. The guard proceeded to explain that there were still others searching for the baby. As they stood in the Great Hall of the Castle, another guard came running toward the Queen. “Your highness! Word has gotten out in the kingdom that Princess Casey has killed her child. There is an angry mob armed with torches, pitchforks, vampire stakes, poles, daggers, and catapults. They are threatening to overthrow the castle unless you give them the Princess!”

“Send them away!” cried the Queen.

Another guard entered the Great Hall amidst the uproar. “Your highness, come quick! We have found the child in a locked room at the east end of the castle. We followed the smell of the rotten cabbages, and broke the door down! The child lies dead in a room full of rotten cabbages, and empty bottles of absinthe!”

“Oh shit!”, cried the Queen, “we must not let the angry mob find out! Guard, bring me my daughter!”

The Queen fell to her knees weeping, and the King stood wimpering in the corner. Some time passed and the guard re-entered with the Princess. The Queen lunged at her daughter, and shook her violently. “What have you done! What have you done to my grandchild!” As the Queen shook her daughter and screamed, a key fell from her bodice and tinkled to the floor. A guard grabbed the key and discovered that it was the key to the locked room where the child lay dead.

“Everyone stop! Guard, go contain the mob!”, declared the Queen, “rotten cabbages, absinthe, and a key does not a murderess make!”

Outside the castle, the din of chaos ensued at an alarming rate. The entire kingdom had gathered outside the front gates. The villagers were holding signs that read “Crotch and Crab Concubine Must Die!”, “Burn The Murderess Whore!”, “Waterboard the Wench!”. They threw stones over the wall with notes tied to them that read, “Come Outside Coward!”, “I Hope This Hit You In The Head!”, and “With Sticks and Stones, We’re Gonna Break Your Bones!”.

Inside the castle, The Princess remained calm as a cucumber. She laughed when The Queen begged for answers, and rolled her eyes when The King dared to speak. She told her parents that she was innocent, and that she wasn’t the only person in the village who eats cabbage and has an affinity for absinthe.

“When was the last time you saw this Abby, or Abbi, or Absynthe spelled with a ‘y’ and not an ‘i’? The Queen asked.

“I told you, 30 days ago. I got off of work from the Crotch and Crab…” The Princess was interrupted by the Queen.

“You were working at The Crotch and Crab? Since when?” The Queen interjected.

“Oh, about 6 months”, said the Princess, “I have an alibi, her name is Lady Marmalade. She worked with me for a couple months. She’s the one who told me about Abby. A friend of her’s, Wilhelm Grimm, let Abby watch his children, Hansel and Gretle, for about a year, until he moved with his new bride deep into the forest.”

“This sounds like a reasonable explanation”, said the Queen, “all we need do is find this Lady Marmalade, and this Wilhelm Grimm. I believe I’ve heard you mention those two children before, they’re names are very familiar to me.”

The Queen summoned a guard. “Go retrieve my son, the Knight, Sir Lee of Lackabrain. Tell him these words ‘The friendly falcon broke his talons snatching a chipmunk in the cabbage patch’. He is very good at speaking in code, and he will know that I have sent you to him. Take him with you and find out all you can about Wilhelm Grimm and Lady Marmalade. Now, go!”

The Queen turned angrily back to The Princess. “Now, finish your story” You got off work from The Crotch and Crab and then what”?

The Princess continued her story. “I left work to go pick up the kid…I mean, my precious baby..ahem. Abby lived with her mother, about three cottages down from The Crotch and Crab. This was very convenient for me. I got to the cottage and knocked on the door, but no one answered or came to the door. I sat outside the cottage and waited a really long time, at least an hour. I finally gave up, and went back to The Crotch and Crab. I stayed there all night asking about Abby, and questioning everyone I knew that might know her whereabouts. I was exhausted the next day. Absolutely, exhausted. We can send someone to her mother’s cottage now, you can’t miss it, three cottages down from The Crotch and Crab”.

Another guard was summoned by the Queen. “Get thee to the cottage that is three cottages down the road from The Crotch and Crab, and bring me the beast who resides there!”

The next day at Hopespring Castle was a doozy! Two guards were tarred and feathered, literally, outside the castle gate. The King awoke tired and angry. After performing his morning duty of feeding the Queen her breakfast in bed, and filing her fingernails into sharp points to match her eyebrows, the King decided that he was going to speak to the horrible mob himself. He marched to the top of the castle wall above the crowd, and shouted down to them, “All of you, leave my family alone. We have done nothing to you. Go away, before I release the guards to do my bidding!”

A man in the crowd, who was dressed up like the Princess with a noose around his neck, shouted back at the King. “Hey youse? King Guy! Bring ya datter out heeya, sose we can do yas guys a faiva! I gotta neck tie right heeya! Come aan!”

This made the King really mad, but he was too afraid to deal with the man in a dress on his own. “Guards!”, shouted the King, “Bring me the man in the crowd dressed like my sweet, smiling, holy, loving mother of a precious daughter! Post haste!”

Two brave guards ran toward the front gate of the castle. When they exited the door, there was a bucket of tar awaiting there arrival. A very old lady ran up to them, spit at the guards feet, said something they couldn’t understand, and threw feathers in their face. In her gravely voice she said, “Yeez all gunna rat in da debbils boilin’ pat fer keepin da trufe hidden!” Then she took her bony old finger and poked each guard in the shoulder. The guards ran back inside. Queen Cynthia was pacing back and forth in The Great Hall, while The Princess sat knitting some blue baby booties.

“Look!” Said the Princess. “I have finished the first bootie! Isn’t it cute?”

The Queen was talking to herself, and seemed to be repeating the same words over and over. “My daughter is innocent of this crime, you people don’t know the whole story, The Princess is a good mother.”

“Mother! I’m talking to you! Look at the baby bootie!” The Princess whined.

The Queen winced until the points in her eyebrows became two straight lines. At first, everyone thought that The Queen was going to scream, and then calmly she sat down beside her daughter. “Sweetie? Can I ask you something? Don’t get mad, okay? Ummm…why are you knitting blue baby booties, dearest?”

“Well, my new boyfriend, Frederico Fandango, told me the other day, that if he ever had children, he would only want boys, no girls. See?” The Princess smiled at her project.

Suddenly a guard entered the Great Hall. “Your Highness! Your son Lee of Lackabrain has returned from his quest! He is fighting his way through the crowd as we speak!”

“Oh! My dear Brother is home! I’m going to go change into something a little more sex…I mean, comfortable.” The Princess blushed.

The doors to the Great Hall swung open, and Sir Lee of Lackabrain stood unkempt and weary from his travels. “My son!”, cried the Queen. “Greetings mother”, said Lee, ” I come with news, but first I must speak to my sister, where is she?”

“She is in her room, she should be down in a moment”, said the Queen.

“No! I will speak to her in private first” , said Lee.

“But you should tell me the news first, did you find Abby, or Lady Marmalade, anyone?”, asked the Queen.

“I should speak to my sister first!” Lee headed up the stairs to his sister’s room.

The Queen was very angry. What could Lee be telling his sister, behind closed doors? The Queen paced back and forth and talked to herself. Outside the castle, King George was busy arguing with a man in the crowd. “The smell didst smell like no other smell I’ve ever smelled. The bloody battlefield is the only place I’ve ever smelled that smell. The smell of a dead body, you never forget a smell like that, ever! But alas, it was just a rotten cabbage in the cart. Who would’ve thought such a smell could erupt from a cabbage. But, it did!” As soon as he finished speaking, a rotten cabbage flew from the crowd, and hit poor King George right in the head, and sent his crown flying into the rock of the castle wall. King George was so angry that he ran over to his crown and stomped it into the ground. Sir Lee approached from inside the castle, and stood between King George and the crowd. The King suddenly became quite brave. “Let me at those commoners, so I can beat them with this sign that says ‘Burn the Wench!’” The crowd continued to spit and yell, and laughed as Lee pulled his father inside the castle.

“Lee, what are you doing outside?” asked the King.

“Oh…I…uh…was..ummm..well, I heard you shouting and I came to make sure you were okay”, said Lackabrain.

Back inside the castle, The Queen and The Princess were fighting. The Queen was sitting on top of the Princess with her hands wrapped around her neck, choking the Princess. King George ran behind the royal sofa, stuck his thumb in his mouth, and started to wimper. Sir Lee ran over to his mother and sister, and broke up the fight. He pulled his sister from his mother’s clutches and cried, “Unhand my sister, you maniac!” The Princess lunged at her mother and said, “Go fornicate yourself, Mother! I hate you!”

At that moment, a guard entered the Great Hall, and was quite upset. “Your Highness! The body of the child is missing! Someone has taken her from her resting place! Now, we shall never know what happened to her!”

Queen Cynthia was livid. “What! Who has taken my grandchild from these castle walls? Find her!”

At this news, King George grabbed a sword from the mantle of the fireplace and pointed it into his bulging stomach. “I shall kill myself! I cannot take this any longer!”

The Queen walked over to the King and snatched the sword from his hands. “Would you stop joking around! I too, have thought about killing myself, but you don’t see me sniveling in the corner attempting it, do you? Stop it!”

Sir Lee and Princess Casey, sat soundly on the royal sofa speaking in their special code.

“Iyay idhay the abybay’s odybay, my sister!” , said Lee with a smile, “no one will ever indfay erhay, it’s all going to be okay”.

The Queen went immediately into action. “I want this Abby person found, put out a reward of 2500 pounds for any information on this horrid creature who has stolen my grandchilds body! You there, guard! Go!”

The Princess, who had grown quite hungry, popped a grape into her mouth and said, “It was probably Abby who took the body. Lee, dear, would you pass me that turkey leg?”

“How can you think of eating at a time like this?” cried the Queen.

“Well, I’m sorry that I can’t sit around crying all the time. How shall I think clearly if I am a blubbering mess?”, said the Princess. “I knew you would react this way, I wish you would just shut up, Mother!”

“Lee, sit down and tell me of your quest. What did you find out?”, said the Queen.

“Well, Mother, it seems that there isn’t anyone by the name of Absynthia Hermone Francisco Carmanzarro, aka Abby, or Lady Marmalade, in our entire kingdom. There was never a Lady Marmalade who worked for The Crotch and Crab. There is no cottage three doors down from The Crotch and Crab. There is nothing. There is a man by the name of Wilhelm Grimm, but he is a storyteller in Germany. He has never lived here. One of his most famous stories is the story of Hansel and Gretel.”

The Princess jumped up from the table, “These people do exist and I’ll prove it!” The Princess then swooned onto the royal sofa, and began to sob uncontrollably for the first time. “I cannot believe that my own family thinks I am a liar and a murderess. It’s all your fault, Mother, for being so controlling! I hate you!”

The Queen spoke, “You are right, it is my fault. You are nothing but a spoiled child! I have been too free to give you everything that you ever needed, and in return you have taken my grandchild from me. Oh horror of horrors!” The Queen fell backwards into the arms of King George, but he was too busy PICKING HIS NOSE to notice, and the Queen crashed to the floor.

There was a knock at the castle doors. The scullery maid came running into the Great Hall with a piece of paper. She walked directly toward the Princess, and handed her the paper, which was sealed in a wax letterhead. She bowed and then left.

“What is it, my dear?” , asked King George, as he continued to pick his nose and fan the Queen with a turkey leg.

The Princess opened the letter, and began to read. Her eyes were wide one moment, and then squinted the next. Sir Lee began to chew his nails, and King George cried out “I got it!”, while staring at his finger in wonderment. The Queen lay unconscious still. The Princess looked at her brother in shock. Sir Lee snatched the paper from her hand. “Oh my dear sister, I am sorry, we must prepare, for they are coming for you tomorrow, and there isn’t much we can do!”

A great storm blew in that night. The crowd outside the gates dispersed, and left for the shelter of their homes. The Queen sat with the Princess, trying desperately to pry information from her daughter, to no avail. A guard entered the Great Hall, and said “Excuse me, your Highness, there is a Spaniard at the gate who wishes to speak with The Princess. He is offering his help. Would you like me to bring him unto you?”

“What? A Spaniard? Bring him forward, but keep him well guarded, I never have trusted Spaniards”, said the Queen.

The guard left and returned momentarily with the Spaniard. He was dressed in black, and had eyes that squinted in the light. Although he was not smiling, his face took on the appearance of a cat who had just eaten a mouse. He approached the Queen, bowed and kissed her hand.

“Good evening, your Highness. Thank you for allowing my admittance at such a late hour, and in such foul weather. I have been waiting in the shadows for the crowd to disperse, in order to not be seen. My name is Jose Bandito, and I am interested in protecting your daughter. As you well know, the entire kingdom, along with several thousand from nearby kingdoms, are coming tomorrow for the Princess. They seek justice for the dead child. They have already prepared the gallows to hang her from, so we must act quickly”, said the dark stranger.

“Exactly, who are you, and how can you be of assistance to this matter at all?’, asked the Queen.

The Spaniard smirked and squinted his eyes. “I am just a Spaniard who believes in the protection of the innocent, and through my work, I would like to prove that a Spaniard can do good things, and be someone. I think that you should send your daughter away with me for her own protection. You must trust and follow what I say, before it is too late, and you lose not only your grandchild, but your dear daughter too.”

The Princess had been speechless up until this point. She was so smitten with the Spaniard that she simply stared into his dark eyes, and played with her hair. The Princess rose up from the royal sofa, and walked over to the Spaniard. “Oh! You have come to save me from these wretched people. Finally, someone who believes me!”

Mr. Bandito, smiled and held her hand. “I have also hired a man to find the body of the child. I would trust my life in his hands. We will find the child, and then there will be justice, and the people will know the truth. Until then, we must gather your things, and be off before the day breaks. We will send word to you when we have found out the truth.”

The Princess jumped up and down, clapping her hands. She kissed Mr. Bandito on the cheek, and ran to collect her things. She was more than happy to leave with a strange man in the middle of the night. This was nothing new to her, and she felt quite comfortable. While the Princess was gone to gather her things, the Queen and the King made idle chatter.

The King approached Mr. Bandito and said, “You know, I’ve got a buddy who’s a Spaniard, perhaps you know him, his name is…”

The Queen interrupted her husband, “George, please, go and find out if the royal chemist has invented the chewing gum that I want so badly!”

The King hung his head and muttered “Yes, Dear”, and walked away.

“Exactly, where, Mr. Bandito, are you planning on taking my daughter?” The Queen asked.

“With me”, said Mr. Bandito.

“But where with you?”, asked the Queen

“I cannot say, it is for your own safety”, said Bandito.

The Princess came bouncing down the staircase. Her ladies in waiting were following her with all of her things. The Queen was not at all happy that she did not know where this man was taking her daughter.

“Casey, Sweetie, this man says that he cannot tell us where he is taking you for our safety, I cannot let you go!”, said the Queen.

“Mother! He’s right, ummm, yeah, uh, there is something that I did not tell you. I was afraid. But the people who have my child, sent me a letter. In the letter they told me to say nothing, or they would kill the rest of my family. They didn’t say who they were”, said the Princess.

“Why have you not told me this! Where is this letter?” the Queen was furious and her eyebrows pointed straight up and down.

“Well, I have the letter somewhere, I just don’t have it right here with me. You can probably find it in my room somewhere. I’m not sure what I did with it. It was so scary, and I was so scared, I don’t want to talk about it!” Said the Princess.

“Enough of this! We must go, now. It is growing late, and we want to be long gone before they come to enter the castle in the morning.” Said Mr. Bandito.

With that being said, the Princess and the Spaniard ran from the castle. The Queen stood without words, and watched them leave. She wondered if she would ever see her daughter again. She began to cry, because at that moment, she realized that she had only King George to control. What fun would that be? She had already conquered him. There were rapid footsteps running up behind the Queen. She turned to find her husband, King George, with a sticky substance between his fingers. He smiled in wonderment and simply said “This is not gum!”

Several weeks passed, and there was no word from the Princess or Mr. Bandito. The gathering crowd was showing no mercy. They cursed at the top of their lungs, and continued to catapult large objects over the castle wall. The King and Queen were unable to leave the castle for fear of their lives. A horrible stench had begun to fill the castle. The smell of what the Queen called “a damn dead body”.

“What is that smell? It smells like something died!”, said the Queen, “you there, servant, go and see if you can locate the cause of that wretched, rotting, dead smell. I am sure it is just a cabbage, find it and throw it into the moat! Hurry!”

The maid scurried away in search of the horrific smell, that seemed to permeate the very walls of the castle itself. The King nervously approached the Queen and said “My dear, that is the same smell from the cart, I know it well from the battlefield. I am afraid…” The Queen would not let him finish. She plunged her fingers into her ears and started singing “Oedipus and the Flower” really loud. After she finished her childish rant, she turned to her husband and said “You need to keep your mouth shut, George. You are going to ruin everything if you don’t stop your mindless blabbering. From here on out, you should let me do the talking, for you are inept at most everything you do. I haven’t asked much from you in my life, have I, have I?”

King George spoke under his breath “Why don’t you shut up”, and then placed his hands over his head to protect himself. The Queen glared at her husband until he cowered away from her. She chuckled to herself.

The Queen sat down at the dining table and had a servant pour her a large glass of wine. Just as she was beginning to feel her body relax, a guard approached the table. “Oh what now!”, the Queen asked.

“Your Highness, there is another man here. He is looking for the Princess. He says that he is a bounty hunter, and he must speak to you right away”, said the Guard.

“Send him to me, then, and I shall listen.” Said the Queen.

Several minutes passed, and a strange man in a very large hat entered the Great Hall of the castle. He walked up to the Queen, and pulled a small stick from his mouth.

“Who are you? And what brings you to Castle Hopespring?” said the Queen.

“Your Highness, my name is Leonardo Tortilla, that’s pronounced Tor-Tee-A, not Tor-Till-A, okay? I am working for a man named, Jose Bandito, and he has sent me here to retrieve one Princess Casey of Hopespring. I must take her with me. Now, I don’t really like to fight, but if I have to I will. So just bring her out and let’s get this over with.”

“What! You fool, Princess Casey is with Jose Bandito. He came several weeks ago and retrieved her himself. So, there is nothing here for you. You may leave!”, spit the Queen.

The strange man named Tor-Tee-A, looked befuddled. He wasn’t sure what to say, but he chose to speak anyway. “Ummm…there must be some mistake…uhhh…he has already paid me to make this journey. I have traveled hundreds of miles…hmmm..”, Tor-Tee-A trailed off and stared into space, while chewing his stick.

“It sure does stink in this castle”, Tortilla said, “how do you stand it? If I didn’t know better, I’d say that was a dead body. Do you mind if I take a look around?”

“Yes! I do! The smell of my castle is nothing to you!”, said the Queen.

The castle was suddenly filled with a woman’s scream. There was the sound of quick footsteps, and the servant sent to locate the smell had returned. Her face was bloodless, and her eyes were wide with terror.

“What is it, woman?” , barked the Queen, “have you seen a ghost?”

“Your Highness, the smell you sent me to locate has been found, I..I…”, the servant swooned and fell to the floor.

Mr. Tor-Tee-A ran to the servant and called for some smelling salts. The Queen’s eyebrows began to point, as she looked nervously around for help.

“Wake her! Wake her! We must know what she found!”, said the Queen.

While the woman servant lay in the Great Hall recovering, guards and servants began screaming and running from the castle. They had the look of pure terror on their faces, as they ran past the Queen.

“You there!”, cried the Queen, “Stop! What is going on? Stop this madness immediately!”

But no one was listening. A guard ran up to the Queen and said “Your highness, the Princess’ room. The child’s body is there. This is too much, and we cannot stay in this castle. We are leaving you, Your Highness, we are sorry. There will be no one left to attend your wishes.” And the guard vanished from the castle, never to return. Tortilla was picking up the servant woman, who had recovered from fainting. The Queen was headed toward the staircase, when there occurred a most ear splitting bang of a noise. The castle was flooded with soldiers and countrymen. They were running in all directions, searching the castle for the Princess. The Queen called for help from her guards, but there were none left. The Queen turned her gaze toward the door of the Great Hall, to discover her husband, King George being pushed roughly into the room by five burly men. He had been out fishing in the moat, in his new boat he had recently purchased. “Let go of me! I have done nothing to you! Let go!”, King George shouted.

All fell silent as a strong voice was heard from upstairs in the castle. “Everyone halt! The child is found! The Princess is not here!” said the stranger’s voice. A normal everyday farmer emerged from the upstairs of the castle. Everyone stood still and kept their gaze upon him as he approached the King and Queen. There were tears in his weathered eyes, when he spoke, “Your Highness, or shall I say Madam, it seems that your daughter has had the child in her room all along. She is wrapped in a potato sack, with a necklace and a note attached. In this note, the Princess admits her guilt. She murdered her child, and she must pay the price. She has left with Jose Bandito, and we have people searching for them. You were a fool to let her leave with such a man. I am to inform you, that as soldiers and citizens of Hopespring, we are taking over your castle. You and your husband shall remain in your own dungeon, until your daughter is found. Do you understand?”

“No, I don’t understand! Get out of my castle! George, do something!” , cried the Queen.

“I knew it!”, cried King George, “I knew I never should have married you, you cunning witch of a woman! Our daughter is just like you! Look what you have done to me and my kingdom! I will never forgive you for this, you evil witch!”

“George, how dare you speak to me..”, the Queen was cut off.

The farmer spoke, “Where is your daughter? Tell us now and spare yourself!”

“I know not where my daughter is, and if I did, I would never tell you!”, the Queen protested.

“Very well, then. Take her to the dungeon, and confiscate her crown for payment of the search for her daughter!”, said the farmer.

The Queen was whisked away to the dungeon, but King George was allowed to stay locked in his own room, for his remark to the Queen. Plus, the men felt rather sorry for the poor king, whose wife had emasculated him to the point of a fairy. He was no threat. Tortilla stood in the corner, chewing his stick, and blending in with the rest of the crowd. He was conversing with another fellow, and expounding on his skill as a bounty hunter. The farmer overheard, and spoke, “You there! Bounty hunter! May I have a word with you?”

“It’s about time someone asked to talk to me!”, said Tortilla, “I know everything there is to know about these people!”

“Good.” , said the farmer, “Then you would not be opposed to accept this crown as payment, and bring one Jose Bandito, and Princess Casey, back to this castle. Yes?”

Tortilla rambled. “Now, hold on just a minute. If I’m guessing right, I think they are not too far from here. But, then again, they could be really far from here. Who knows! All I know is that she killed that little baby. She’s a real piece of work, ya know? She and her momma have been nothing but liars since the minute I met ‘em. Well, I never really met the Princess, but I saw her in passing one time, and she looked like a real piece of work, ya know?”

“Okay! Okay! I understand.” , said the farmer, “will you accept the quest of locating these two infidels?”

“Sure, sure! But you don’t have to pay me, as a matter of fact, I’d like to give you some money, just for noticing me.” said Tortilla.

“Fine! Then off you go! Find Jose Bandito and Princess Casey!”, said the farmer, “do not come back without them in your custody! Goodbye, Mr. Tortilla.” The farmer patted Tortilla on the back, took his money, and led him out of the castle.

The castle was taken over, and there was much to be done. The people of Hopespring gave the child a proper burial and laid her to a peaceful rest. There were many tears. All of the castle treasure was confiscated, and put aside to pay for the things that would be needed before the Princess’ return. They would need money to pay for more searchers. There would also be money given to the needful people of Hopespring who had children that they loved, and would never think of hurting them.

This tale is almost finished, and the ending does not bode well for a certain Princess and her family.

Tor-Tee-A walked out into the darkness. He could see and hear the mob outside the gates. The fire from their torches cast eerie shadows into the trees. He chewed on his stick, and took a deep breath. He looked around, and in the distance, spied the horse cart. He walked over to the cart, and began looking it over. To his surprise, there was a small paper sticking out from under driver seat of the cart. He carefully pulled the piece of paper, only to discover that it was an entire diary. Princess Casey’s diary. He opened the delicious find to the first page, and began to read. The first page was rather boring and the Princess only talked about a man she had porked previously. It seems the man had only one testicle, a wooden leg, and a tattoo of a battle axe on his chest. He skipped to the last entry in the diary. It was more interesting. It read…

Dear Diary,

I have been traveling for days with the child, trying my best to find a proper spot to dispose of her. I cannot go home to my mother until I have hidden her well. My mother is going to be so mad at me for killing my child, but I had no choice in the matter. I did not want a child, yet I did not want anyone else to have her. It sounds selfish, but then again, I am selfish. So there, I said it. I hope I can find a good spot soon, since several travelers have stopped me to ask what the smell is protruding from my cart. I picked up some cabbages from an old woman’s garden, just for show. I have been telling the travelers that the smell is rotten cabbages. I must rid myself of her forever soon. Wish me luck.

Your Truly,

Princess Casey

Tortilla sucked in his breath, and almost choked on his chew stick. He tucked the diary safely away in his coat, and started on his way in the search for the Princess. He would start at Lackabrain Castle. The castle of her brother, Lee of Lackabrain. Lackabrain was not far, and he knew that he could be there by dawn if he traveled through the night. He borrowed a horse from the stable and began his search.

Just before dawn, Tortilla approached Castle Lackabrain. There was a din of loud music coming from within the castle. There was the sound of revelry wafting throughout the forest. So loud, was the din, that the very leaves of the trees rattled with distaste, and probably wished for some respite from the noise. He approached the drawbridge of the castle, and saw a man and a woman running along the turrets of the castle. It was Princess Casey, and her brother, Lee of Lackabrain. Upon further observation, he discovered that they were simply running back and forth along the turrets, jumping into the air and slapping their wicked hands together in victory. Tortilla called out to the drunken fools. “You there! Along the turrets! My name is Leonardo Tortilla, and I wish to come in and speak with you! You there, man! Woman!”

The profuse giggling stopped,and Lackabrain called down. “Who sent you? Why are you here?”

Tor-Tee-A had to think quick. He could not tell them his real reason for coming to Lackabrain. “Your mother and father have sent me to you. They are held captive by the people of the village. Your mother has been locked in the dungeon, along with your father. They will not release them until the Princess returns!”

Lackabrain’s head disappeared, and Tortilla heard a man shout. The Princess stood laughing at the news. Tortilla heard the chains of the drawbridge rattle, and the bridge began to lower. Lackabrain reappeared and said “Enter, now! Tor-Tee-A!”

Tortilla spent hours inside Castle Lackabrain. He lied and told Lackabrain, that there was an army of soldiers headed to Castle Lackabrain at this moment. He told Lackabrain that for the Princess’ safety, she must leave with him immediately, and be taken to a safe place, where she could never be found. Lackabrain agreed to allow his sister to leave with Tortilla, so long as he could send his own personal messenger, to return and give word that his sister was safe. Tortilla agreed. Tortilla inquired about Bandito. Bandito simply wanted a sweet piece of royal ass, and he got it. He left the poor Princess wandering in a drunken stupor, near Castle Lackabrain, and he was never seen again. “We must leave immediately, then! Gather your things, Princess! For we have a long journey ahead of us”, said Tortilla. While the Princess gathered her things, Tortilla asked Lackabrain if he had another messenger that could be trusted to take a message back to his parents. Lackabrain provided another messenger, and Tortilla sent a message back to Castle Hopespring. “There is a man at the gate, his name is Fritz! He is trustworthy, and will deliver the message to the King and Queen in their confines. Leave now, and do not stop until the message has been delivered. Go!”

The young boy left with the message from Tortilla, and Tortilla loaded up the Princess, and headed out into the deep forest….

The young messenger from Lackabrain arrived at Castle Hopespring. He approached the gate and asked for a man named Fritz. The messenger informed Fritz that he had a message from one Leonardo Tortilla, and he was told that Fritz would know what to do with the message. Fritz, who was simply a guard at the gate, snatched the message from the young boy, and dismissed him. Fritz went immediately to the farmer, who now had complete control of the castle, and handed him the message from Tor-Tee-A. The farmer opened the message and began to read. A long, toothy grin covered the expanse of his face, and he yelled to one of the guards. “Pack 10 of your best men, for tonight we ride. Tor-Tee-A has found the Princess, and we are going to retrieve her. Hurry!” The guard scrambled away, and returned moments later, ready for travel. The farmer then found a carpenter, and told him to erect the gallows, for within a fortnight, the Princess would be swinging from its rope.

Tortilla had found a tiny cottage deep in the forest to wait for her captors to arrive. His message told Hopespring Castle his exact location, and to come and retrieve his bounty. When they arrived at the cottage, he sent forth the messenger that Lackabrain had sent with him, to tell of the Princess’ safety. He had gone, and they were alone in the cottage. The Princess complained about everything. Her incessant whining was bearing on the old bounty hunters nerves. She paced around the room singing “I want a feast! I want a bean feast! Cream buns and doughnuts, and fruit cake with no nuts, so good you could go nuts! I want it, now! I don’t care how, I want it now!” Tortilla told her to be quiet, and as soon as this was all over, he would give her the party of her life. Tortilla built a fire, and they both chose a comfortable chair to rest. There were seven of everything in the cottage. Seven chairs, seven beds, seven cups, seven, seven, seven. This baffled Tortilla, but didn’t seem to bother the Princess at all. She informed Tortilla that there were seven little men who lived there a few years ago, and she used to visit them often. “Now, they knew how to throw a party, let me tell ya”, said the Princess, “but they ran off with some woman named after some type of weather. Let’s see, was it Rain? Or Snow something? Whatever, I can’t remember. The only thing I do remember is that she had a mother just like mine, a real witch!”

Tortilla had fallen asleep to the sound of the crackling fire, and the Princess soon followed. The silence of the forest closed in around them both, and covered them in its blanket of peaceful sleep. However, they were not completely alone. There was a dark figure lurking in the shadows outside. He was staring at the sleeping Princess from his hiding place. His shadow swept in between moonbeams and window. Then there was a knock at the cottage door…

There was no answer to the stranger’s knock, and so he proceeded with his task. He worked long and hard, well into the morning hours. The sound of his grunting and lifting went unheard, and just before dawn, he finished his work, and slipped away into the forest.

Tortilla awoke shivering from the cold. He rubbed his eyes, and looked around in the darkness. There were beams of light flickering through the trees above him. “Trees?”, he thought, “there is a hole in the ceiling?” He rubbed his eyes some more, and blinked with fury to focus. As he began to see things more clearly, Tortilla discoverd that he was not indoors at all. He had been sleeping next to a trickling spring, and his only cover was a small blanket from the cottage. He turned this way and that, and knew not where he was in the vast forest. Despite this fact, he was unafraid, and knew that he could, at least, find his way out. He scratched his head, and took a stick out of his pocket so he could chew and think. Who brought him here? How did this happen? He was so exhausted that he hadn’t seen or heard a thing. The Diary! Hopefully he still had the diary! He frantically searched his pockets, only to discover emptiness. The diary was gone! And whoever had brought him here, had it within their possession! The old bounty hunter had no proof of her guilt. He had failed his task. He began to walk in the direction of the sun, chewing his stick, and sulking.

Back at the cottage, the Princess yawned and stretched. It was very cold and dark inside the cottage. The only light that could be seen, emanated from the last embers of the fire in the fireplace. “It is still the dark of night”, she thought, “though, I feel like I have slept all night”. She arose from her place of slumber, and went in search of a candle. She put her arms out in front of her, in search of the dining table with the seven chairs. She had seen a candleabra sitting grandly in center of the table, when they had first arrived at the cottage. She seemed to walk forever in search of something tangible to put her hands on, so she could know where she stood. She walked from one side to the other, wall to wall, and never encountered a piece of furniture. The room seemed empty, and suddenly she wondered if she had not walked into another room. After several hours of searching in the dark, she sat down in frustration. She called out to Tortilla, and there was no answer. “My brother shall have you killed for this, Tor-Tee-A! Let me out of this room!”. But, there was no answer. The silence was that of a tomb, and she could hear no sounds, not even the sounds of the forest. She began to violently rub her hands together, and pull at her dress. She began to weep, and then she saw something out of the corner of her eye. A tiny beam of light, filtering through the wall of the cottage. It was a very small hole, just big enough for her to peep through with one eye. She ran toward the light, and looked outward of the hole. She saw nothing but the forest, and the sun shining bright on branch and earth. After more time passed, the light through the hole, began to illuminate the room, just enough to barely see it’s contents. The table had been moved up against the door to the cottage. She approached the table to discover that there was only one candle, one match, and a small book sitting neatly in the center. She stared around the room in terror. There was nothing left in the cottage but the table, and its contents. She lifted the book from the table, and ran toward the beam of light in the wall. She opened the first page, and discovered that it was her own diary. She screamed, but her screams went unheard. She ran toward the door, and pushed the table away. She flung open the cottage door, only to discover that her exit was blocked. She had been sealed inside the cottage with stone. She beat upon the rocks until her hands were bruised and bloody. She checked the windows, and every area where she might escape, but it was no use. The entire cottage had been sealed in mountain stone. No matter how she pushed and and beat upon them, they would not budge from their place. Suddenly, a shadow passed across the peep hole, and blocked the pin point of light that was shining through. The Princess ran to see what it was, someone to save her perhaps? She plunged her eye at the hole, and to her surprise, saw none other than Bandito grinning back at her from a distance. He ran toward her, and she fell back from the peep hole. The Princess heard nothing but wild laughter, as the light from the peep hole disappeared completely, and she was again in darkness. She found her way to the table, lit the candle, and began to read. The farmer and the guards from Hopespring, were unable to find the cottage, since from the outside it looked like a tomb. The Princess remained confined to her tomb, and she sits there still with melted candle, and book. Her book.

The End


http://motherclucker.wordpress.com/the-entire-tale-of-king-george-and-queen-cynthia/

_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Wed Jan 27, 2010 9:14 pm


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Wed Jan 27, 2010 9:37 pm

This one has few really hilarious pictures. Take note of the picture of Cindy at about :31 into the video!!! roflao


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Snaz on Wed Jan 27, 2010 10:02 pm


_________________

Updated 1/22/11
avatar
Snaz

Posts : 4972
Join date : 2009-07-11
Location : Florida
Mood : Whistling

Back to top Go down

Re: The Lighter Side of the Anthony Case

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 1 of 3 1, 2, 3  Next

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum